It lights up the brain
Praise lights up the same reward area as money.
In brain scans, learning that others thought well of you activated the striatum, the same reward area that lights up when people receive money.
What it means: to the brain, a real compliment is a real reward.
Izuma, Saito and Sadato, 2008, Neuron
It helps people learn
A compliment after practice helped people do better the next day.
People who were praised after learning a new finger-tapping skill performed it better the next day than people who weren’t.
What it means: say it while someone is learning, like a new hire in their first weeks.
Sugawara and others, 2012, PLoS ONE
We hold back too much
We underestimate how good our compliments make people feel.
Givers expected the other person to feel less happy, and more awkward, than they really did. Because we guess wrong, most of us say fewer compliments than we should, and the giver ends up in a better mood too.
What it means: the compliment you are thinking about will land better than you fear. Say it.
Boothby and Bohns, 2021, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin; Zhao and Epley, 2021, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
At work
One thank-you, 50% more calls.
At a university fundraising call center, callers who got a short thank-you from the director made more than 50% more calls the next week. In another study, people who were thanked were twice as likely to help again.
What it means: gratitude from the person in charge changes effort.
Grant and Gino, 2010, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
For kids
Praise the effort, not just the talent.
Children praised for their effort chose harder puzzles and kept trying longer than children praised for being smart.
What it means: “You kept going on that hard problem” beats “You’re so smart.”
Mueller and Dweck, 1998, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
It spreads
Kindness passes from person to person.
When people were treated generously in a group game, they gave more to others later, and the effect spread to people up to three steps away.
What it means: your compliment can reach people you will never meet.
Fowler and Christakis, 2010, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences