How to Receive a Compliment: Just Say "Thank You"

Someone tells you that you look great, and before you can stop yourself: "Oh, this old thing? I got it on sale." Someone praises your work: "It was nothing, really." Sound familiar?

Most of us were never taught how to receive a compliment. So we wave it away, shrink it, or hand it right back. But when you push a compliment away, you're telling the person who gave it that they were wrong. You're refusing a gift.

Giving a compliment is kindness. Receiving one is kindness, too.

The four steps

Receiving a compliment is easy. It takes four steps:

1. Smile. Let your face show it landed.
2. Say "Thank you." Just thank you, with no "but."
3. Believe it. If it weren't true, they wouldn't have said it.
4. Take it in. Remember it, and replay the feeling later, because it was given just to you.

That's it. No explaining, no shrinking, no arguing.

Then build on it

Once you've said thank you and let it in, you can make the moment bigger. Here's how, from easy to a little harder:

• Easy: tell them what it meant. "Thank you, I really needed to hear that today." Now the giver knows their words mattered, and that's a gift back to them.
• A little harder: share the credit when it's true. "Thank you! And honestly, Maria's idea is what made it work." (Only after the thank-you, so you aren't waving the compliment off.)
• Harder: turn it into a compliment of your own. Notice the giver. "Thank you, and you know what, you always notice the little things. That's a gift." It has to be true and specific, not an automatic "you too." A rushed "you too" sounds like you're trying to even the score. A sincere one sounds like love going both ways.
• Hardest: pass it forward. Carry that good feeling to the next person you see and give them a real compliment. One compliment just became two.

At home

Kids learn to receive by watching you. When your child says "Mommy, you're the best cook," don't say "Oh, it's just spaghetti." Smile and say, "Thank you, sweetheart. I love cooking for you." Now they've learned two things: compliments are welcome here, and they're allowed to feel good about themselves.

At work

At work, receiving well is a skill. When your boss or a customer praises you, a clean "Thank you, I appreciate you noticing" makes you look confident, not cocky. When a team member compliments their manager, a manager who receives it well ("Thank you. That means a lot coming from you") makes it safe for people to keep speaking up. A team where people can give and receive is a team where good work gets noticed.

Try it

The next time someone says something kind to you, do nothing but smile and say "Thank you." Then notice how it feels.